Oh my gosh! The poor lethargic masses! Which amorphous slab of flesh is so desperately in need of energy that they would consume a 15-oz. can of chocolate, espresso, guarana, ginseng, and b vitamins? What is in this? Did they squeeze the essence out of a kindergarten class and can it?

Risking life and limb, some mysterious stranger has taken the "liberty" to post a campaign sign from a co-named candidate. Awesome! Thanks mysterious electoral phantom.

By the way, Prof. Don Patterson of UCI does *not* have the bandwidth to be a political candidate. I am not running for office.

I rode my bike home from work for the first time since I've been in California and got a kick out of this sign which greeted me on the way onto the trail home:

Trail Head Notice:
This is a wilderness area
characterized by certain
inherent dangers. These
dangers include mountain
lions, rattlesnakes, poison
oak, poisonous insects, swift
moving water, rugged
terrain, and other natural
hazards.
Minors (under 18 years old)
should be under adult
supervision at all times.
Your safety can not be
guaranteed.
Stay alert to Potential
Danger!

Then of course the sign showing me the rattlesnakes that threaten me. Now it would be one thing if I was in the back country of Yosemite or something, but I barely lose sight of a Starbucks during the entire bike ride home. And is poison oak really the same caliber of danger as moutain lions? Also, where exactly am I going to run into these class 5 rapids? In the storm gutter perhaps? I suspect this is a generic anti-litigation sign.

Stay tuned for photos of rattlesnake sightings.

"No, dude, like, Newport Beach is *totally* progressive, they totally get that skateboarding is not a crime. It's, like, part of who we are, y'know"